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| Monday, March 31, 2003 my life is boring, boring and pathetic, boring and pathetic and, worst of all, lonely. there's no one i really want to talk to, or there's no one who really wants to listen, i'm not sure which it is. but really, why can't i find a girl? just someone who'd talk and listen, and care, and appreciate me. nobody appreciates me. is that really to much to ask? i mean, am i really so terrible that i dont deserve someone like that? and here i am, again, complaing about how no girls like me. fucking shit man, i really am pathetic. our doughboys are over-seas dying, killing Iraqi soldiers and civilians; people are dying, people are starving, people are being driven insane by the madness and chaos in the world; people lose the lives because of the utter stupidity of us slack-jawed, inbred Americans and our inability to see the truth; the Earth is dying and, still, people go out and by a brand fucking new 18-wheeler to drive down the freeway to work, and here i am, complaining that i dont have a fucking stupid-ass girlfriend. who the fuck do i think i am? i mean, shit, Julius Caesar would think I was being too egotistical. summary: i wish someone'd stab me in the back... gratias tibi ago, Brute.
Sunday, March 30, 2003 you know what really sucks? when i feel like my life is not good enough. there are lots of people who would kill to have my life. got into USC, got a scholarship, have great parents, etc. some people would kill just to fucking eat. and here i am, with my stupid, meaningless problems, pissed off 'cause some stupid girl doesnt like me anymore, and some stupid [ex-]friend hates me, feeling sorry for myself and hating my life. and in reality, my life isnt that bad. and that makes me feel worse, because then i realize that i'm some arrogant, self-absorbed little prick who cries because he doesnt get what he wants. it's like going to paradise and complaining because there arent enough palm trees or scantily clad women (of which there are never enough). from now on, i'm going to sum up all of my posts by writing some words of wisdom, or an adage of some kind. so, without further adieu... the summary: life is like the government - you can always find something to complain about.
Saturday, March 29, 2003 well, this week pretty much sucked mentally. on the surface, it would seem to be fucking amazing. i got a scholarship from usc, we got superior at festival, and i got zelda; and yet i still feel pretty shitty. on the upside, i'm in love with zelda. that video game rocks. i'm such a dork, no? think there's a correlation between my love of video games, and the fact that i wished my life was different? interesting...
Wednesday, March 26, 2003 sum up my day: 1) mel and i are, again, officially no longer friends. 2) the girl i like no longer likes me, and we will never happen in the future. what a great day (yes, that was sarcasm)...
so, mel and i are officially no longer friends... it makes me very sad to think that someone who was once my best friend hates me so, and she really does. i just hope that it'll be better in the future for her. that's all i really want to write.
Sunday, March 23, 2003 well, if you had to leave it up to one person to screw my week over, who would it be? that's right, mel. she can be there for an hour and, somehow, make me feel like shit during my greatest week in a long time. i'm tired of it. i cannot deal with her any more, i seriously dont know what to do. what do i do? i cannot be her friend if she's not willing to put in any effort. it seems like she doesnt want me to be happy, like she will only be my friend if i'm miserable. i cant do it anymore. i want to be her friend, but not like this. what the hell do i say to her? and on an unrelated note, what do i do about the girl i like? (i probably shouldnt write this on here, but then again, you already know about it, and it feels better writing about it). she's the only one who actually made me feel better this week. she's great to be around. but it's not going to go anywhere, so what do i do? i should move on, shouldnt i? she doesnt want a boyfriend, and i completely understand, and that's fine. but that means it's not going to go anywhere, which means we'll stay friends. but we'd stay friends anyway, so shouldnt i just move on? know what? i dont care. i overanalyze everything too much. whatever happens happens. word of the day: whatever
Wednesday, March 19, 2003 I MADE IT INTO USC FILM SCHOOL!!!!! how amazing is this week? seriously! this is one of the greatest weeks ever! first... something... and now film school!!! i am one damn lucky s. o. b.!!! AND I FEEL GREAT!!! i knew today was going to be good! matt said it was a nice day, and i said, "it's a great day." I NEVER SAY THAT!!! i'm even blogging in CAPS, how great must i feel?!!!
this is amazing.
my gosh, was yesterday not one of the greatest days?! I THINK IT WAS!!! hehehe... i'm quite happy. how about that for a change?!
p.s. bush is a complete and utter moron. (sorry to insult the fellow texans there hannah...)
Monday, March 17, 2003 against my better judgement, i've decided to post some of my writing online. this is an english paper i wrote using satire based on jonathan swift's A Modest Proposal (please ignore all grammatical and spelling errors, as i've actually only read this thing once):
A major problem facing our high schools is the lack of support for student government, known as Associated Student Body, or ASB. In order to create more enthusiasm for a student run governing system, the school administration should make ASB more powerful. The student government should be allowed to pass any resolutions and rules that it sees fit for the school. Of course, this responsibility is quite great, and cannot be entrusted to a couple dozen students. Therefore, a new legislation system should be created, with no less than 300 students, voted into office, participating. Now, this ?congress? would need a check, in order to keep it from destroying the rights of the students. Therefore, there should be another branch of the student government, one that has the power to enforce the rules passed by the congress. This would be an executing branch, headed by a single elected official, but comprised of an entire cabinet of student advisors. In order to enforce, the rules, the executing branch would need some form of force. For this, I propose that the marching band be given weapons, i.e. guns, tanks, missiles, and whatever else may be needed, all of which would be paid for by monies allocated by the congress. The head of the executing branch would be in charge of this force, and would be able to use it at his or her will. But what if both of the branches of this government work against the rights of the people. For this, I propose a court be created. With judges who would ensure that all citizens at the school be treated equally under the rules established in the congress. This court would have to power, of course, to sentence those deemed as not productive towards the school to death, or another such fitting torture; for without this power, citizens may feel that the courts would not enforce it rulings. Yet, even with all of this power, a student government may still lack the support it needs, and the reason is participation. To solve this problem, it would be required that all student in attendance would participate in government. Now, with the school day being a set length of time, all learning in school would be thrown out of the curriculum, as it detracts from the time that the students should devote towards their government. That is to say that all learning would be gone except for the learning of the glory of ASB, which would be one hour out of the day in which all student would stand, and pledge allegiance to ASB and praise its glory and fairness, and devote their very lives to spreading its magnificence. The rest of the school day would be devoted to participating in government. Those not in ASB office positions would be required to work for the glory of ASB, building monuments, developing weapons for protection, and spreading ASB ideas and policies to other people. This modest proposal, a simple proposition, may not sit well with many. Some may say it goes to far with the idea of student government, but I say that students are able to make up their own minds, and would learn more from participation. However, to those who do not agree, I propose another simple plan. End ASB forever. End it as a class, and end it as even an idea. Take its powers, and give them back to the administration, who went to college and learned how to actually do the job. It is not any student?s place to say which groups get funding, and which do not; I believe that would be the job of a principal.
Friday, March 14, 2003 Wednesday, March 12, 2003 go read matt's blog! (the "tuesday update" bit - here's a link) he's right. we are a generation of men, raised by women, and taught to be more sensative to others. do not make fun of people, it hurts them. black people are no longer black, they're african american. handicapped people are differently abled. the world has been so perverted by empathy that most of these words have lost all meaning. as george carlin says, "shell shock" became "battle fatigue" and is now "post traumatic stress disorder." why?! because these words can hurt people's feelings.
the conclusion... so what?! people are more sensative to the feelings of others. what the hell is wrong with that? oh, i'm sorry, the world is just too nice for you?! well then, fuck you and the horse you rode in on. you dont like it? go live on a different planet! p.s. if the conclusion hurt your feelings, i appologize. and yes, i'm aware of the irony.
Tuesday, March 11, 2003 my advice for the day: (in an instant message to alex) me: so, smack her me: say, "bitch, shuttup!" and then WAH POW such good advice
that really gets me. my mom asks me to use the computer to check her mail... 45 minutes later, she's not done registering for some crap. that always happens. if you wanna spend 45 minutes doing something, dont tell me you're just checking your mail, and dont tell me it's gonna be 15 goddamn minutes!!! argh.
ever notice how when something bugs you a lot you just ignore it it's like if something makes you uncomfortable, somehow, if you dont say anything about it, it just goes away. well it doesnt. not like that. it's not that easy; nothing ever is.
i guess i'm better today. i dunno, i just dont feel aweful... what's happening to me?!!! i like music. i really dont know what i'd do without all of my holst and grieg and bach; not to mention good ol' ludwig van. ahhh music. you save me.
Monday, March 10, 2003 it's like these fucking days just never end. where the fuck am i? fucking alaska?! and my stupid fucking english teacher is such a moron. what the fuck is his problem anyway? was he never properly schooled as a fucking kid or something? learn the fucking meaning of the damn word "gullible"!!! fuck man, it does not mean someone who is too afraid of doing something. what a fucking loon this guy is. now i need to write a fucking haiku. My days never end; The night is nothing more than the day's requiem. (and in case you didn't pick it up, every sentence contains some form of the word "fuck," well, except for the haiku...)
Sunday, March 09, 2003 would i consider this the worst day of my life? no, far from it. but then again, i cant say it's one of the better ones... haiku for the day. and no, i'm not going to commit suicide or anything, so dont freak out people. all the worlds is dark and cold and bleak all around, and i'm right in it. dont take me so seriously, nobody else does.
Saturday, March 08, 2003 i havent posted in a while. i should write something, but i dont know what to write. nothing much has really happened, and thus, i am fairly indifferent1 about everything around me. matt said hannah was indifferent. i'm not sure what that's supposed to mean. i dont think she's indifferent, i think she's very different! hahahahahaha. that was funny. anyway, i dont really know what to write, so i will blather on for a couple more lines. went to pc baang today. i like video games then went to jeff's house to play magic, how sad, no? then, somehow, hannah's name came up, and to my surprise, pip knew her (from middle school), which was rather funny. ok, i think i'm done for now, as i have nothing left to write.
Tuesday, March 04, 2003 Monday, March 03, 2003 i dont know why i'm posting so much today... well, the girl i like has yet to actually acknowledge my existance beyond that i'm funny. great, i'm funny. how about this one: this guy walks into a bar, and sits on a stool. he calls the bartender over and says, "any fucking person can be funny. what in the bloody hell?! I'm FUNNY?! wow, that must be so attractive to NOBODY!" actually, that joke's not all that funny. come to think of it, that's not even a joke at all... why do most people think i'm a handkerchief? cry to me, tell me all that's wrong, blow your nose, etc. wash me, hang me out to dry. then i wait for someone else. sure, i dont mind helping friends, i actually like it. i guess i'm good at it, i have no idea really. but dammit, is it so hard to ask me how my fucking day was? (and if you're reading this right now, dont go off and ask me how my day was, that doesnt help, because you didnt think of it) i mean, if i wasnt here, i'm not sure anybody would notice until they had some sort of crisis. or if they forgot their homework... ok, i guess that's enough self-pity for one day. how abouts a haiku? Gotta finish this Dumb, Bullshit English essay. School is quite useless done.
wow, i just remembered that i had a counter on the bottom of this dealy, and what would you know, 92 damn unique hits... well, unique as in it's new every day, but that breaks down to at least, i dunno, 5 people reading including me... oh well, i got excited for a second.
oh, by the way. read this. but you can skip all the abortion mumbo jumbo, because matt's just wrong about that. wrong wrong wrong. sure, nobody likes abortion, there aren't too many abortion cards in the hallmark store - "so, i heard you had an abortion..." - nono, nothing like that. but to say that... well, lets not get into it ok? so, skip all that crap and get to the good stuff - the prom stuff. down with prom, that's alls i's gots to say. i hate dancing (sorry hannah, but it sucks major ass, it really does), and i hate stupid people. prom is the stupidest thing, and people take it too seriously. so, anyway, in case you didnt read anything, let's recap: dancing + stupid people = prom. done.
Sunday, March 02, 2003 havent posted in a couple days, partially 'cause there's not much to post. spent the past couple days procrastinating homework and playing master quest instead... ahh, video games, ahh, senioritis, ahhhh... life is good. hannah and matt watched A Clockwork Orange with me yesterday. i dont think they liked it as much as i did (and still do). i guess that film means more to me. it's just so beautiful. anyway, it was good to spend the day with hannah, being that i see her only once a week and i see matt's sorry ass all the goddamn time. nono, i jest. but time with hannah is always good... well, mostly good anyway. she said she wanted to learn magic (the card game), and we took her to legacy (the local comicbook store, also nerd-central station). man, what it musta been like to be her. it's like asking someone to teach you how to fish, and you throw 'em right in the water with all the sharks. so yeah, that was my weekend. i think i'll compose a haiku to summarize my weekend, so if you havent paid attention to a work i've written, just read this and get the gist of the whole shebang: Watched a good movie. Took Hannah to Legacy. Procrastination.
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